Okcupid your looks and online dating

Rarely do the two collide:. So how does the quantity of messages received affect women? On the contrary, men initiate no matter what, and the more messages they receive, the more they send. Men, however, message most between the ages of 20 to No matter how attractive a woman appears, we see similar messaging behavior. Perhaps they enjoy basking in the glory of being one of the elitely attractive.

Women rarely reach out, no matter their circumstances. When we looked specifically at sending the first message, we found one striking habit: To put a number on it, men are reaching out to women 17 percentile points more attractive, and women contact men who are 10 percentile points more attractive.

This means that if a woman does nothing, her inbox will be filled with less attractive men. If a woman sends the first message, everything changes in her favor. It's also about what's best for the business. On an unrelated note: DanBC 8 months ago. Incel doesn't mean "someone who is unable to have sex". We need to have some esympathy and empathy for that group, and many places are trying to fix lonliness.

This group may benefit from legalisation of sex work. Pao is not talking about this group. Incel means "someone who is a member of a group who have a pathological hatred of women and men who have sex with women, who think that they have a right to demand sex, and that if it's not provided they have a right to take it by force by rape". Pao is talking about this group.

Incel was a label that these people gave to themselves, simply meaning "involuntarily celibate". Sure these communities are incredibly toxic, but I don't think it's fair to say that every member of them has all of the beliefs you describe. Most of these people are probably mentally ill, they need compassion and empathy, not to be purged from society.

How much more bitter and angry are they going to be if they start to feel like they're also excluded from having a job? There is a subculture of men who refer to themselves as 'incels' — urban dictionary has a good explanation: Some new scandal, I guess, that has "gate" slapped to it, even though it has nothing to do with watergate. Yaggo 8 months ago. Woman haters are not getting laid. More precisely, "women haters are not getting laid and start killing people over it".

A bunch of truly awful people nobody wants to be around blaming women for their lives instead of taking some personal responsibility. And a witchhunt of those people is somehow going to help?! When has that ever helped. People like that are to some extent mentally ill and need professional help instead. There are always going to be more people that need professional assistance than there are resources to give them said assistance. A normative solution is better than no solution.


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I think it's literally the worst idea to go poking people already on the edge with their hate and misery. No solution means not telling these people at all that their ideas aren't going to get them anywhere and letting them fester in their hatred. I agree that it could be done without the vitriol. Not entirely sure how, but I agree in theory that it's possible. But objectively speaking, the incel viewpoint is more caustic than the common reaction to it. I'm not saying that people who identify as incels deserve it, but they really oughta know better.

This is essentially modern heresy in action. Social cohesion is far more important than both your obstinacy and your problems, and if you persist, we will burn your ass at the stake. It's ugly, it's sad, we wish we didn't have to do it, but it reflects the reality of society.

The "social cohesion" argument is too wide.

The secret to success for women on OkCupid? Sending the first message.

It could have been applied in the past for example to suppress the women suffrage movement. What was more important the women suffrage or the social cohesion of the society? I like the women suffrage and I dislike the incel viewpoint, but I don't understand how can you apply the self censorship or get burn argument only to the things that you dislike. There's no ultimate morality here, only people fighting to make their views the orthodox ones.

Heretics fight against a force much bigger than them. If they want to be taken seriously, they need to take the next step and form a rebellion, get other people on their side. This is even more serious than heresy, this is called apostasy. Apostates don't get stoned by their peers, they get crucified by the army. But sometimes civil war is necessary to improve the morality of society. Suffrage was one of those times. It's the common people that adhere to the orthodoxy that does the burning. Not the censors or the inquisition, who had bigger fish to fry.

You won't find me out there tarring and feathering incels. I'm actually somewhat sympathetic to their viewpoint. What I'm not sympathetic at all to is their stubborn obstinacy. Feminism is more important than your sexual satisfaction.

Want to add to the discussion?

The answer to the incel situation is sex positivism. There is no holy war needed here. Sex positivism is an orthodox solution. The heretics just need to come back to Jesus. GCU-Empiricist 8 months ago. Wow, How do I make sure I never interact with your "society"? To me this attitude is strait out of Orwell and Huxley?

OkCupid Uses Click Data to Match Most Attractive Users

You realize I didn't invent society, right? And never need interact with it if you don't preach heresy. I don't think this has anything to do with the incel movement. In contrast, for the two guys who are rated "Average", you can barely see their faces. One of them has his eyes obstructed by reflections on his glasses, and the other makes the classic mistake of not facing the light - his face is covered in a shadow.

The two women have higher quality photos than the two men since y'know, you can see their face, on the average rating again , but their photos are still of lower quality than that of the top rated women. Now of course there are other differences - the top rated users are clearly more attractive.

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But the pictures mostly serve to illustrate a point: There's a difference between rating a picture of a person, and rating the actual person. Most guys are terrible at taking pictures of themselves compared to women. This isn't very surprising - western culture discourages men from caring about how they look in photos, while women are encouraged to look their best in pictures by magazine articles and such. If a woman posts a lot of selfies, this is socially acceptable in most crowds.


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  • If a guy does the same, he's a narcissist. The fact that you get a "Match" with someone you rate highly and who rates you highly back may further discourage high ratings. Further, men are worse than women at taking pictures of themselves, which skews the ratings. Apparently some of you believe I'm claiming women don't care about looks.

    Please read before posting a comment.

    Not to say that there aren't any valid points in the OP, I'm sure that there are, but it is such a myth that women don't care about looks. I have no idea why we continue to perpetuate it. Any man who suggests this is just giving them a free pass to continue with this bullshit. Why do you think some men go through women like a dose of salts, and others can't get a sniff?


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    • Oh, it's all 'game', of course! It's nothing to do with the successful group having massive genetic advantages!

      http://gboat.vip.avoori.com/necap-manual-de.php Women will turn their noses up at attractive guys both online and in real life with equal nonchalance. The only difference between the two is that we can measure this process online. I remember playing football when I was younger, and a woman I knew was watching and one of my friends was sat with her. And he asked her while we were playing if she fancied any of us. And out of 25 fairly fit young men, she thought my friend - who is mega-handsome and has always had women drooling over him, he is the world's worst wingman — was the only one who was even remotely attractive.

      That's just one example, I have seen it repeated over and over again.