The project enabled me to be more honest with myself about wanting to find a relationship with someone worth it, someone great.
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Jessie made me realize that. This project took it to a whole new personal level—mashing design with our personal lives. It created a unique storytelling platform. Now Tim and I are working on another project. I recently heard a great quote by Lena Dunham. We wanted it to reflect the digital presence we had: In designing the book, our first instincts as designers was to make some big crazy fancy coffee table book with postcard cutouts and perforated pages.
But ultimately, we wanted a lot of people to have access to it. How did your design and illustration work help you process what you were going through emotionally during the experiment?
We used design and illustration as a way to process thoughts and feelings. There were moments that were very therapeutic—like on day five, when we drew and wrote things about our exes. After doing this experiment, what dating advice would you offer to a single friend? The project was a really big risk for both of us, personally and professionally.
I was much more reserved before 40 Days of Dating in terms of sharing my feelings and personal life. Even my public image on social media was very curated and work-focused. By Carey Dunne 5 minute Read. How did this project change your approach to design work? So far so good. In therapy we talked about how I am extremely picky about who I date. However, when I do decide I really like someone, I am quick to jump into a relationship in order to test it out and see how it goes. I become extremely invested in people and things that I care about, which can cause me to fall for someone quickly.
Tim thinks I should be more cautious…. Tim is right, I do love love. Apparently, the feeling of falling in love is wired in us to help the survival of our species. While sexual desire exists to make sure we pop out babies, the feelings of love exists to promote bonding and pairing between mates to increase the survival rate of the children.
6 questions you should ask in the first month of dating if you want things to last
Chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine are released when in love. The chemicals increases energy, increases focus, and helps make us feel fucking awesome all the time. In fact, research shows brain activity in love is almost identical to our brain activity on cocaine. We went to our first therapy session together. I think it was a bit soon for this, but our therapist Jocelyn wanted to have a consultation first. Why are you doing this project? What is the goal of this project? Do you want to date each other? Are you ready to be hurt?
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What happens if you screw up your friendship? And on and on and on!
I almost had a panic attack. However, neither Jessie or I would have talked about this stuff so soon without having the therapist as a soundboard. I think it was helpful. But I do save money, while I think she spends. I get uncomfortable talking about what could happen in the next 40 days. I was sort of freaking out after therapy. I was texting with one of my best friends, Greg in Chicago, and he told me to just have fun with it. So, I want to make sure I just have fun with it.
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The play is about a bunch of college students going to parties, getting drunk, having sex, and their complicated interpersonal relationships. The characters are either opportunistic, self-serving, entitled, indulgent, or power-seeking. I found the complicated dynamic of these different personalities to be an interesting twist on the usual character development.
After the play, we wandered over to a bar nearby in the West Village for a drink. Tim told me about his last serious relationship with a girl he dated in San Francisco when he worked for Apple. I feel like he broke her heart. Things were getting serious between them when she had to leave for business for a few months. The long distance scared him, and he broke off the relationship when she got back. He seemed to feel bad about it. One part of the play stirred up emotions from something that happened in my past.
I was slightly shaken up after the play so I told Tim about it to explain why I was acting strangely. I try not to look back too much and get caught up in the past, but sometimes it does unexpectedly creep back up on me. It was cute that Tim insisted on being a gentleman and walking me home after the play. I am a sucker for the common dating courtesies.
Tim seemed slightly annoyed that I missed his text messages before the play. I hate text messaging.
30 Days of Tinder
My fingers get tired. The misunderstanding and the AutoCorrect drive me nuts. When I have a crazy day at work, I often forget to check my cell phone. I know this drives certain people a little crazy. I guess I should look into an app that downloads texts to the computer. I just wanted to stay in and watch the Knicks game. However, Jessie and I have something planned on Sunday, so it was probably best to do a date tonight instead of Saturday night. Anyway, we went to the Off-Broadway play, Really, Really. We went out for a drink after the play.
When someone does that, your natural inclination is to tell them something extremely private back. I just listened and asked a couple of questions, and let her talk. Before the play, I was texting her. I waited, and waited, and waited.